Quote of the Day (2008-01-31)

Sir Arnold: "I presume the Prime Minister is in favour of this scheme because it will reduce unemployment?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, it looks as if he's reducing unemployment."
Sir Arnold: "Or looks as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."
Sir Humphrey: "While as in reality he's only trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."
Sir Arnold: "Yes, because he's worried that it does not look as if he's trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2008-01-30)

[Derek Smalls sets off a metal detector at the airport]
Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2008-01-29)

Lester Burnham: [narrating] That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident.

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2008-01-28)

Prime Minister: We must do something to improve my relations with the press, which deteriorated considerably when my private secretary told them I felt I was above the law when it came to official secrets.
Bernard: Yes, you may well hang your head.
PM: What's the constitutional position, Humphrey?
Sir Humphrey: Well, in a sense, Bernard was right. The question, in a nutshell, is what is the difference between a breach of the Official Secrets Act and an unattributable, off-the-record briefing by a senior official? The former - a breach - is a criminal offence. A briefing is essential to keep the wheels turning.
Bernard: Is there a difference or is it a matter of convenience and interpretation? Is it a breach of the act if there is an unofficial, non-attributable briefing by an official who's been unofficially authorised by the Prime Minister?
Sir Humphrey: Not if it's been authorised by the PM, no.
PM: That's what I say. I should decide if it's in the national interest for something to be disclosed, not officials.
PM: Last week's leak must've come from an official.
Bernard: But what if the official was officially authorised or even unofficially authorised? What if the PM officially disapproves of a breach of the act, but unofficially approves?
Sir Humphrey: Then a leak would be unofficially official, but officially unofficial.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2008-01-26)

Jerry: "I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today."
Kramer: "Really?"
Jerry: "We were talking about our lives, and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men."
Kramer: "So then you asked yourselves, 'Isn't there something more to life?'"
Jerry: "Yes, we did."
Kramer: "Yeah, well let me clue you in on something... There isn't."
Jerry: "There isn't?"
Kramer: "Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry, marriage? Family? They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. 'Is it alright if I use the bathroom now?!' And you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."
Jerry: "I can?"
Kramer: "Oh yeah. You know why? Because it's dinnertime, and you know what you do at dinner?"
Jerry: "What?"
Kramer: "You talk about your day. 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know, how about you, how was your day?'"
Jerry: "Boy."
Kramer: "It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs."
Jerry: "I'm glad we had this talk."
Kramer: "Oh, you have no idea."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-25)

Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-24)

Always, no sometimes, think it's me, but you know I know when it's a dream.
I think I know I mean a 'yes' but it's all wrong, that is I think I disagree.

Source: John Lennon

Quote of the Day (2008-01-23)

But really what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is, you read the obituary column. Yeah, you find out who died, and go to the building and then you tip the doorman. What they can do to make it easier is to combine the obituaries with the real estate section. Say, then you'd have Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2008-01-22)

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-21)

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.
The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!
Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!
The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!
Man in crowd: I'm not...
The Crowd: Sch!?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2008-01-20)

Bart: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2008-01-19)

Derek Smalls: We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2008-01-18)

Captain Renault: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2008-01-17)

Ted: I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.

Source: There's Something About Mary

Quote of the Day (2008-01-16)

"I think she finds my stupidity charming."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-15)

[Ralph and Norton are about to go to bed together when Ralph shows Norton a toothbrush]
Ralph Kramden: Norton?
Ed Norton: What?
Ralph Kramden: Did you use my toothbrush?
Ed Norton: I dunno.
Ralph Kramden: What do you mean you don't know?
Ed Norton: Well, you got a red toothbrush and I got a red toothbrush. They was layin' side by side and I didn't know which was which, so I just went, "Eeeny, meeny, miney, mo."
Ralph Kramden: [holds up toothbrush] Is this Mo?
Ed Norton: [looks at toothbrush] Yep, that's Mo all right.
Ralph Kramden: Well, for your information, Mo happens to be *my* toothbrush.
Ed Norton: Oh, I was wonderin' why there was somethin' familiar about Miney.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2008-01-13)

Jim Hacker: "Honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise in the House of Commons."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2008-01-12)

"This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like, you're almost glad to be handicapped."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-11)

Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents, they could be captured and tortured."
Bernard: "You mean by terrorists?"
Sir Humphrey: "By the BBC, Bernard."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2008-01-10)

Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2008-01-09)

Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...
Carrie: That was very romantic.
Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2008-01-08)

Must be a king. He hasn't got s*** all over him.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2008-01-06)

Jerry: "I thought you said people dressed up when they go to the opera?"
Kramer: "People do. I don't."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2008-01-05)

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2008-01-04)

And I want his only daughter to look upon me... as her own dad -- in a very real, and legally binding sense.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2008-01-03)

Russ Cargill: Mr. President, you chose me, Russ Cargill, most successful man in America, to head the EPA, the least successful organization. That's why I've narrowed your choices down to five unthinkable options.
[spreads the files on the President's desk]
Russ Cargill: Each one will cause untold misery and...
President Schwarzenegger: [points to File #3] I pick Number Three!
Russ Cargill: Really? You don't want to read them first?
President Schwarzenegger: I was elected to *lead*, not to *read*. Number Three!

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2008-01-02)

Lisa Simpson: But I'm so angry.
Marge Simpson: You're a woman. You can hold on to it forever.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

16-0 Meaningless?

With the Patriots having gone 16-0 in the regular season, it's become a regular theme in commentary that the record is "meaningless" if the team doesn't win the Super Bowl and complete the perfect season. Meaningless? I understand what people are trying to say with that, namely that this accomplishment will not rank up there with the '72 Dolphins perfect season unless the Pats do what that team did and went on to win the championship. Sure, if the Patriots lose sometime in the post-season, it will be a tremendous disappointment and the 16-0 record won't have quite the luster of Miami's 14-0. But meaningless? No way. In the 88 year history of the league, so far, only three other teams have ever finished a regular season undefeated, and only one other team in the last 60 years has done it (the aforementioned '72 Dolphins). That's one heck of an achievement. Worst case, New England will have had the second greatest season in league history. Not exactly meaningless.